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Monday, June 30, 2008 ; 怎样把华文口试考级格?

he holds the passage with his dear hands.repeatedly repeating the words in his head.moist wells up in his palms as time passes.as he sees his friend leave the tables at the other end.his time is up.he walks meekly to the teachers positioned in front and manages a weak smile......

NO NO NO.you're supposed to get your 100% pass chinese oral examination instruction manual or your money back guaranteed! yes! just call 1800-388-4265 to pre-order your package now! it comes with a free copy of the morning's 联合早报.

now now.chinese oral exams have always been the bane of the english speaking community in singapore.given our high standard of spoken english(read singlish) here,its no wonder chinese oral is a dreaded phase of any student's life.

Let's analyze the first steps to getting your awesome pass for chinese oral.

Looks

Looks are important.they are what seperates the good looking from the best looking.In this world, i couldn't agree more that people get impressions from looks more than anything else.so guys and girls,here's what to do to dress and impress.

GUYS

1. Get that haircut you've been wanting to get since 2 months ago and shred that lion's mane off your scrabbly head! its time to look like a glamourous actor, 吴尊 for example.

2. Check your wax.Nothing beats a good haircut and even better hairstyle! Lavish your hair with all the wax,gel,clay,cement that you can find for that radical look even the toughest girls would be attracted to.A good recommendation would be Bedhead Cement,rumour has it that its so tough your hands will be stuck to your hair.The teachers will surely pay more attention to your hair than what you are saying!

3. Remember keep yourself smelling clean and fresh.Go ahead,put on some deodorant.The best rolemodel to look for is 木村拓哉.Who can forget him spraying the Gatsby deodorant like no tomorrow? You have to go to all sorts of extents to get that perfect look,even if it means making the air-conditioned hall filled with a deodorant flavoured mist.

4.Your uniform should look prim and proper.Please set aside an appropriate period of time the previous day(4 hours is fine) to iron your clothes.Slather on the starch and make it stiff as a feather.To make sure the starch doesn't melt,place your uniform in a cryogenic room.Its always good to have something relieve the blistering singapore sun (:

5. Lastly, greet the teachers with courtesy.Even if the invigilator is an old auntie who looks dead ancient, the word of the day is most always ''小姐早/午安''.Flattering words will make any woman go buttery.For male teachers,a simple 帅哥你好 does as well as anything else.

GIRLS
1.It's your time to shine! Diamonds are a girl's best friend,while dogs are man's best friend,but who cares? Make-up is king.Pillage your mom's drawers and search deep for the darkest secrets ever known to man.That coveted vanity set.There are many other brands to choose from : SaSa,Anna Sui,L'Oreal,Estee Lauder and so on.Looking like Gisele Bundchen has never been easier! Eyes are sure to be locked onto your highly aesthetic appearance.

2.Perfume obscures the many flaws a woman has,not that you have any.Or else this guide is definitely necessary for you.Look for the most sophisticated smells and scents,like the conglomeration of scents when i walk into the Body Shop.DKNY Green Apple is a hot favourite among girls nowadays,but no one's stopping you from trying braver things like Chanel's Coco Mademoiselle endorsed by Keira Knightley.[Pherlure is the ULIMATE weapon HAHAHA]

3.You gotta show enough skin to light the fire in a man's heart.That skirt should be roughly halfway above your knees. Ditch those which cover your knees,you're not a nun! Stop doing injustice yourself.Nice legs are meant to be shown.Male teachers will never turn down one with ''appropriate'' dressing.(especially those chee ko peks).

4.Same as the guys,do greet the teachers with courtesy.NOT curtly,and give the idea to guy teachers that you are flirting with them.So they'll be more eager for the examination to end so they could ask for your phone number.

With all these secret techniques,a distinction is even possible! It doesn't matter how bad your chinese is,the teachers won't even notice.They'll be too caught up with the masculine charm and promiscuous attraction guys and girls are offering.You'd be baffled too when you see those marks hit the skies.

So if you've enjoyed this,call 1800-388-4265 NOW to pre-order your rest of the exclusive package.
only available at xjixian.blogspot.com.

好奇怪，这整个文章都用英文写，真矛盾.

jixian was bored at 8:44 PM

Wednesday, June 4, 2008 ; the big break

Now as i'm typing this,i think of how i have not done anything throughout the first 2 weeks of the holidays(except e-learning).Wow.its like only 2 more weeks before MYE and its supposedly the easiest time to get an A for all the subjects.Life's been a wreck for me,if i don't start changing it i shall just drop out of school.Time for some reflection,buy me a mirror.

Though,not everywhere has been uneventful.band's alright.i'm still playing the tambourine and maracas on 2 beautiful pieces,however practice is as insipid as it can be.giving drum lessons has taught me how to be patient with students and how effective demonstration really benefits.students please watch out for your drumming tests(HAHAHA) and always.ENJOY IT.

For tuition,i got 22/100 for DLME which is definitely pathetic.well i cant help it cause i didnt study AT ALL.just went there with my miniscule brain to take the test.at least i scored for a few questions.thats some consolation.my thanks to those people who keep tuition fun and its priceless moments abound.

Meanwhile,im picking up bass,seems like a totally cool instrument to me.so if anyone would have a masterful technique on the bass,please give me some lessons.so now.i've nothing better to say.
if you're looking for something philosophical,be my guest and wait for future posts.

Have a fun rest of the holidays. (:

jixian was bored at 1:56 PM